inspiration of the month - brenda kitchen

March 1, 2017

Early in 2016, I started a journey to discover why at what I felt was the young age of 45 I was having very serious health issues.  A two-level cervical fusion, a left ankle reconstruction, a broken tooth, shingles, pneumonia twice a year, etc.  I’d been single and dating for 8 years and was also wondering why relationships seem so easily obtained by basically everyone BUT me.  So, in my search for some answers I started asking different medical specialists these questions.

I found myself having a psychological assessment.  At the end of this assessment, the very abrupt psychologist re-entered the room I was sitting in and announced I had PTSD and that I needed to start therapy 2-3 times per week.  There was no explanation as to how they arrived at this diagnosis or description of the therapy, or really any other information.  I had little knowledge of PTSD and was very surprised by this diagnosis.  And, maybe more importantly, is this the source of my physical and relationship problems?

I never returned there.  I did some googling both online and at an actual physical library.  I read books and educated myself.  A common theme among the books for treatment for PTSD is yoga.  I did get into see a different psychiatrist and started therapy.  I also discussed the issues with my primary care physician and started medication.  Then I saw the groupon (or maybe just a coupon?) for a month of unlimited yoga at Burn Within Yoga and decided to give it a try for a month before hockey season started.

I went to a beginner’s yoga class and left thinking I actually did most of that!  The instructor was so kind and explained everything so well and always gave alternative poses.  I went to a hot yoga class.  (Probably on the hottest day of 2016.)  I left that class feeling like my body had actually changed.  I went to an all levels vinyasa class and left feeling like I could really physically get something out of these classes.  Next was yoga sculpt which I felt for days!  And finally, I went to an urban zen class.

I describe urban zen to my friends and family as therapy without words.  I often just don’t have the words to explain how and why I’m feeling something.  Emotional and physical trauma has affected me in ways I can’t even explain to my trained therapist.  I felt trapped on a merry-go-round that I couldn’t stop.  My life just kept circling.  I kept repeating patterns and not being able to stop.  I was also carrying around an unexplainable weight.  I had buried feelings so down deep, I didn’t even recognize them anymore.  I couldn’t feel anything - good or bad.  I would have described myself as “dead inside.”

The first feeling I felt in years was at urban zen when reiki was given.  I could feel some of the actual feelings coming out.  I silently cried in the dark room.  It was the best feeling cry I’ve ever had.  Thad been so long since I’d felt anything.

I appreciate the instructors.  I appreciate hearing over and over that I can take my time, there’s no rush to get where I’m going with yoga.  There’s no pressure.  No judgement.  Just healing.  I’m sorry I took so many months off while I couldn’t decide to make any type of commitment during the busy hockey season.  i’ve decided not to do that any more.


~Brenda Kitchen



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